If you’re reading this and are not an AI bot, you are likely a human. And, as a human, you’re prone to basic human emotions, such as happiness, sadness, and yes, even anger. The latter, although common, can present challenges at work and home by interfering with your professional and personal relationships. So, if you struggle with controlling your anger, before you lose your temper on your partner, child, or coworker, try these simple yet effective tips to maintain your composure.
- Understand what you’re really feeling.
Anger can sometimes be a secondary emotion resulting from a strong primary emotion, like fear. If you can pinpoint what’s triggering your anger, you can then have a more accurate understanding of the true cause of your rising emotions.
For example, if you are about to shout at your child for running into the street after their ball, take a breath and recognize that you’re feeling an understandable amount of fear for their safety. Instead of raising your voice, calmly share that feeling with your child.
2. Don’t generalize.
When your blood starts to boil, it may seem like everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. This generalization of events can add fuel to your fiery rage, so try to isolate the single unpleasant event so that it doesn’t seem like you’re surrounded by triggers.
Tip: When you get into an argument with your partner, avoid using phrases like “you always…” or “this happens every time…” Stay in the moment and address the matter at hand.
3. Remember that other people have different perspectives.
Have you heard of radical acceptance? It’s the practice of accepting that everyone thinks, feels, and acts in different ways – not necessarily wrong, just different. Embracing this mentality will help you take an objective and more sympathetic viewpoint when someone does something that angers you.
Think back: Remember the last time you succumbed to road rage. Maybe the other driver who was driving too slow in front of you wasn’t being inconsiderate of your feelings and was just lost, feeling stressed about getting to an appointment on time. Next time, put yourself in the other driver’s seat and realize that we’re all allowed to have off days.
4. Remove yourself from the situation.
As the old saying goes, “Cooler heads prevail;” the opposite is also true when hot-headedness fails. When your anger gets the best of you, there’s no shame in walking away. Rather than escalating an already tense situation, politely excuse yourself to another room, go for a walk, or do something to calm your body and mind. Once you’ve cooled off, you can return to the conversation (not argument) with less emotion and more logic.
Tip: When our emotions rise, so does our body temperature. If you find that you often get stressed or anxious, especially during times of conflict, you can literally cool down by splashing cold water on your face.
5. Think, don’t react.
You can’t always control or avoid situations that will make you angry, but you can always control the way you react. Taking even a few seconds before responding with a hostile tone or gesture can give you the precious little time you need to decompress and be proactive about how you choose to react.
For example, when your boss gives you constructive criticism, try not to react with anger resulting from the fear of losing your job. Instead, react with openness to feedback so that your boss notices your commitment to self-improvement.
Get support to control your anger
By practicing these skills, you can learn to subdue your anger and take a calmer, more rational approach to managing your emotions. If you find that these tips are easier said than done, consider enlisting the support of a qualified counsellor through Homewood Therapy@Home’s Thrive online skills-building group: https://homewoodhealth.com/home/services/therapyathome/